A case of survival: how to coexist with difficult people.
Are you surrounded with people who are unaware that they fall under the category of ‘DIFFICULT PEOPLE’?
CASE # 1: THE ROCK
ERICA: Have you ever tried having a conversation with a rock?
DON: What in heaven’s name are you talking about? Rocks don’t talk!
ERICA: Precisely.
My officemate Ben just sits like a rock during meetings. He doesn’t
talk .He barely even moves. No VERBAL or NON-VERBAL reaction. He just
sits there – uhm, like a rock!
DON: So, what does his presence contribute to the group?
ERICA: Not much – just his name in the minutes of the meeting.
ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS.
If you’re not getting any reaction from ‘rocks’ - maybe your questions are flawed.
- ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS. “If you could come up with a suggestion to make people come to work on time - what would it be?”
- PRESENT A GUESS. “I’m just guessing - but last week we installed a CCTV in our office pantry. What effect did that have on you?”
EXPLAIN THE CONSEQUENCES.
Most
people are not aware of the impact of their actions – or worse – their
INACTIONS. Tactfully explain possible repercussions of their behavior.
THE BACK STORY
DOC J: Ben is a ‘rock’ who doesn’t dare to participate during meetings because of his fears.
MISS V: I heard that he doesn’t even engage in casual conversation with visitors and guests.
DOC J: He’s afraid of saying the wrong thing.
MISS V: Doesn’t he worry that his boss might think he’s simply lost in time and space?
Doc J:
Think back to your teen years. Remember how your schoolmates would jeer
when someone said something totally ‘off’ during class recitation?
MISS V: Heh heh – actually . . .
DOC J:
Perhaps Ben had a similar experience in the past. That might explain
why he finds it safer to NOT say anything. For him, it’s better than
being laughed at.
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CASE # 2: THE OFFICE SNIPER
TINA: Someone’s got to tell Derek that his put-down remarks are demoralizing people at work!
EDNA: I agree. It’s so irritating when he defends himself by claiming he’s just being a joker.
TINA: I’m not so sure about that. It looks like he puts people down just to make himself feel better.
EDNA: Insecure!
TINA: And when we tell him to stop - he says that it’s all in the spirit of fun.
EDNA: I think he’s immature!
TINA: That’s for sure. Why does he have to make ‘funny’ remarks that destroy the credibility of his team mates?
EDNA: Hay naku – maybe he’s got the notion that people won’t notice his shortcomings when he puts them down.
CHEAP HUMOR
Derek’s
specialty lies in using sarcasm and making malicious remarks. He has
even mastered the art of rolling his eyes with perfect timing. The
bottom line is: he’s TACTLESS and RUDE.
ASK: DON’T DEFEND
EXPOSE his true intention. Ask him Clear + Precise + Concise questions.
- PURPOSE: “When you make those nasty comments – what are you really trying to tell us?”
- DIRECT TO THE POINT: “When you say it’s just a joke – what are you actually trying to say?”
It’s better to ASK than to DEFEND.
Your
well-crafted questions can unearth the underlying reasons for the
sniper’s behavior. Find out what his gripe is REALLY is all about.
THE BACK STORY
The
insecure person empowers himself by making others feel insecure as
well. That explains why he dishes out verbal attacks disguised as jokes
or sarcasm. He gains satisfaction when he sees their discomfort.
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TIPS, TOOLS AND TECHNIQUES
DOC J:
The ROCK and OFFICE SNIPER are just some examples of ‘difficult
people’. DON’T LOSE YOUR COOL when interacting with them. Anger will
cloud your judgment. Stay calm. Think things through before facing them.
MISS V:
COMMUNICATION IS KEY. It is a powerful tool in handling DIFFICULT
PEOPLE . . . A simple formula to remember is: BE CLEAR + PRECISE +
CONCISE . . . Hay naku!
SAVING PEOPLE FROM THEMSELVES: ONE STEP AT A TIME
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IT’S MORE FUN IN “HAY NAKU!”
Listen to HAY NAKU! @ 8:30pm – every Tuesday – on DWBL 1242 AM-radio and http://dwbl-am.mellow947.fm internet live streaming.
VIVIEN MANGALINDAN is a Public Speaking Coach and Broadcaster.
JAYSON BASCOS, MD is a practicing Psychiatrist and Life Coach.
Read our previous articles in FACEBOOK: HayNakuPinoy. LIKE us!
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EDUTRAINMENT @ WORK
Doc J and Miss V give TALKS, SEMINARS and 1-ON-1 COACHING SESSIONS.
EMAIL: haynakupinoy@yahoo.com TEXT: 0947 980 3344.
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SERENDIPITY CORNER
HOW TO DEAL WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE: Face-2-Face Survival Techniques. A half-day seminar to be conducted by Doc J and Miss V. To inquire and register, TEXT 0947 980 3344.
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BABAENIHAN 2012.
On March 8, Filipinas Heritage Library celebrates Int’l Women’s Day.
FHL will host a book launch (by women writers) and talks by Pinays who
will share their life battles and advocacies. A movement by Pinays - for
Pinays. Free. Call 892 1801.
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EVERY STEP COUNTS. Do
you spend a lot of time in front of the computer or television?
Warning: you should be taking at least 10,000 footsteps per day in order
to stay healthy. TIP: use a PEDOMETER (step-counter) to keep track of
the number of footsteps you take per day. It’s ideal for people who
don’t enjoy jogging or going to the gym. Smaller than half the size of a
calling card, you can use it in the office, home, school, etc. Get one
step closer to a healthier you! TEXT 0947 980 3344.
